A relationship is something we care about, work, home or even in our neighborhood. Most of us do not pay attention to what’s going on because we either are deeply in love or just like the company or due to excuses. I have collected some of the signs you should be able to identify. This is to help you know if you are in a normal relationship or a toxic one.

1. Keep reminding you of something you did wrong even after 5 yrs.

They make a mistake and instead of resolving it, they bring up something you did a while ago. This is to make you feel guilty then, you start apologizing for no reason just to make them feel superior. You end up forgetting what the discussion was all about.

2. Always want you to listen to them whine about their bad day.

They will come home talking about their bad day, how horrible they feel and so sad. On the other hand, they will not let you talk about your day. When you start talking about how horrible your day was, they will switch their attention to something else. They will either be watching TV or being on the phone or browsing the computer. In the end, they will stop you with a very hurting statement. They will tell you to stop complaining, you are lucky you have a job or they are tired of listening to you talk about your bad day.

3. They will never concentrate on your conversation all the time they want to cut you off.

When they start interrupting your conversation, then you know you don’t have a voice. In a relationship your voice is you, you must say what you think and how you feel. When someone is not interested in your conversation, not once but all the time they stop you from expressing yourself. Then, you should know there is something wrong and I think you should bring it up.

4. Always asking for selfies to show whom you are with and where you are.

This is interesting, you should be willing to send a selfie on your own terms. I’m not saying it’s wrong to send them and it’s not wrong to ask. If you are being asked, every single time when you are out not with him/her, just to support your activity. Then you should be able to see red flags. They want to know your spots where, when and whom you were with. This is a form of silent control and it’s toxic.

5. They will call or text you numerous times asking when are you done.

Ok, I don’t have to explain this. How toxic is it when you are with your friends having a good time and there you go, 10 missed texts or calls that you didn’t get to answer because you didn’t hear your phone ring?
We both know this is not right and unacceptable by all means. If I told you I’m out with my friends then you should believe me. Being insecure and wanting to find out if I was indeed with my friends is a sign of control.

6. They always ask why you have a passcode on your phone and they will never let you touch theirs.

Who has been in this? I bet some people have, they will want to watch how many times you answer the call, who texted you and why are they texting you. If you are not around and the phone is locked they become aggressive to why your phone has a passcode. They will never let you touch their phone why touch yours? When they have a passcode lock on their phone, why the question about yours? You see this are signs, please have in mind you are dealing with a control freak. Which I think it is toxic.

7. Will never see your achievements and if they do, complement will be given followed by your failure.

To me, this is a huge huge deal, be it my friend, family or partner. If you can’t see my achievement, then I guess you are not anywhere close to knowing me.
This does hurt if those close to you will never see you climb the ladder, then you are in a wrong circle. Look at it this way, you sweat yourself off at work and who gets to be promoted? That person who got hired a couple of months ago, just because they hang out with the boss.  Still, you get to be asked to stay long hours because you perform the task better than the others.
That hurts and you know it demotivates you big time. Now imagine that your best friends or your partner act kind of the same. Instead of looking at how much you’ve tried, they will always bring up how horrible you have failed in the past years.
I will say keep off to this kind of act it will kill your self-esteem and it will bring you down without knowing. We all like to be given a credit where it should.

8. To always follow their rules which they change whenever they feel like.

Huh! I’m very stubborn and again very loyal when I want to, but if you want to turn me into a puppy, that is not going to happen. I’m willing to compromise under the condition that you will too. Making me a one-day weger is not at any point a healthy relationship. If you are in a relationship, where they make you change to fit their lifestyle yet they will never change for you, then you are losing yourself.
You are lowering yourself big time. Just because you like their company doesn’t make it right for you to be a puppy. A relationship where they always make and change rules, and they want you to follow them, you are not free you are in prison. Please get yourself out of that roof.

9. They will always make fun of you when with friends.

You might find this funny I don’t. A joke can be to a certain level when we are with friends please don’t make nasty jokes. Respect me and keep it fun, you might think they love you, no this is not loving this is a way of exposing your weakness. This can happen when they know you cannot defend yourself. People will laugh at you and this is a turn off to some people. When together they find it hard to handle a conversation in a group.
Someone will be scared because they have no idea when that nasty comment will strike about what you’ve just said. This is not fun and you shouldn’t tolerate it.

10. Talking about how much they’ve helped you, forgetting how much you’ve supported them.

Do you want to call this a healthy relationship? No, I don’t, even a best friend should not remind you, how much they’ve supported you. This is same as reminding you how many times you’ve had issues. They agreed to give a hand period, it’s not an act of winning a gold medal. If you do want to be recognized then start a charity club, that way someone will do it for you.

Mini Skirt

Leave a comment below, what do you find toxic in a relationship? It can be with friends, family or work colleague. 

Be More.

Photo by:Mbukudada.



  1. I have been lucky enough to never have experienced this kind of relationship in my personal life but I have seen a lot of toxic relationships in a work environment. People making you feel like you are a rockstar so you can give them what they want, and then dropping you as soon as you aren’t useful to them anymore. But I’m also good at detecting manipulative people so I try to stay far away from them.

    1. They are and most people can not understand because they put excuses first and themselves second. I hope someone will find help from this post. Thank you so much for your comment.

  2. So true! I think that its easy to overlook or take someone for granted really quick. For me any relationship that makes you feel lesser of yourself is toxic, whether new or old. So hard to know that unless you step out and share with a good friend.

  3. These are great tips! It’s also so important to have a close circle of friends or family to point out these traits for us. Sometimes we don’t see these signs until it’s too late or we’ve invested so much of our lives 🙁

    1. That’s right we need someone who is our closest to help, and again sometimes you find out that best friends can treat you like this, so it goes down to you knowing more of what’s happening around you.

  4. This is a great read! I actually was in a really terrible relationship with someone who started as a friend of 15 years. Let’s just say prozac was my homeboy and after a year of therapy and self love I am fully healed. Thank you for this post!!! 🙂

    1. Thank you love and I’m so happy for you, I’m glad you made yourself out of it. I know how hard it can be to realize what’s happening, especially when you trust someone. Great job on yourself gild

    1. That’s true, how many times have we given excuses that ohh it’s my friend, my sister or my brother he/she will change? Or we see our loved one going through the same toucher and we keep it to ourselves because we think it will not happen to us. They are small signs but they lead to the darkness.

  5. I wish we could all be in good relationships or at least recognize the signs and so avoid toxic ones. Toxic rellationships take a toll on our psyches

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